The Question No One Asked

From as early as I can remember, the same obstacles have reappeared in my life, taunting me…never feeling satisfied, never feeling good enough, never getting ahead. Even the greatest opportunities one could ask for were sabotaged, and once again the chance to be happy slipped through my fingers. As words and teaching were given, I couldn’t see through the fog of my own delusions and as I yearned for change, I was trapped, imprisoned by shackles of my own creation.

This adversity brought me to the most important question I’ve come to ask.  

This won’t be the standard real estate investing topic, in fact it may not have much to do with real estate. The topic emphasis is focused on you and I, and the choices we make in life that create pain and pleasure for ourselves. 

When I was a young man I pursued a career as a musician. I loved to entertain and finally after many awkward insecure teenage years I had found what I was great at. Although I felt I had a natural talent for music which was true, what made me the best I could be was the same formula for success that any endeavor calls for. Figure out what you want, figure out a way to get it, and work your ass off.            

 Through my teenage years I did just that, I exchanged what would have been a normal childhood for one with hard work, dedication, and sacrifice.  Why?  Because I wanted to be the greatest drummer that ever lived. I had a mentor who coached me closely not only in music but in my life philosophies. He always said to me, “what you put in you will get out, if you want to be great then go be great”. At the age of 21 I entered my first professional gig and started traveling the world as a rock and roll drummer, embodying my goals and dreams. One night after a sold-out show in London, an insidious thought barged into my head, like a disease it spread to my future, my past, and my present…it challenged everything.

It was the question that kept the door open in my heart to a vacant, empty, bottomless void that consumed everything in its path never satisfying its appetite. The question was why…why did I sacrifice my life, why did I spend my time practicing while my friends spent their childhood days partying, playing sports, and having fun. Why did I sacrifice relationships, love affairs, friendships, family, money, and most important why did I sacrifice all my time for this? What was I after? The motivating mantra repeated often was “hang in there, your almost there, almost to the top”. Although at this point in my life I had reached my goal to be a professional musician, I was broke, my marriage was falling apart, and the only thing I had to show for my hard work and sacrifice was a vein self-imposed importance; shortly after these gnawing questions appeared I went into a deep depression and so began my demise, until a life changing event happened that most don’t live to tell about which changed the course of my life forever. A brain tumor hemorrhaged on my brain stem.

I’ll leave you with this quote until next month’s more optimistic writing.

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.“